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Family newsletter for Oct. 31

Picarella Family Report

Posted: October 30, 2008 8:53 p.m.
Updated: January 1, 2009 5:00 a.m.
Wife hates zombie mask
At 1:42 p.m. on Oct. 25 at the local Halloween super store, I strapped on a zombie mask and scared my wife into stack of plastic black caldrons. “It’s just a mask,” I said as I helped her off the floor. According to my wife, she’s been deathly afraid of zombies ever since seeing some zombie movie back in the 1980s.
“The fact that my husband of eight years doesn’t know I hate zombies is more of a problem than his little scare stunt at the Halloween store the other day,” my wife said. In those eight years of marriage, I did happen to learn that my wife loves flowers. I bought her a few dozen roses following the “zombie” incident ... and all is allegedly well.

Tootsie Roll Swiper at large
A 5-pound bag of Tootsie Rolls that my wife set aside for trick-or-treaters last week was discovered missing on Sunday. My parents reported a similar crime a few weeks ago when we paid a visit. “We had a 16-ounce bag of Tootsie Rolls that went missing, and we have no idea who could’ve taken them,” said my mom. Sources reported that this “Tootsie Roll Swiper” has uncovered the chewy chocolate-flavored candies from even the toughest hiding spots. “We have no specific information about the Tootsie Roll Swiper, other than the fact that he loves Tootsie Rolls and he’ll do whatever it takes to get them,” said special detective Willem Fryer. Fryer asks that if you already bought Tootsie Rolls for trick-or-treaters this Halloween, you turn your supply over to authorities to avoid a likely run-in with the deadly Swiper himself. Email Michael Picarella at and he’ll be glad to take your Tootsie Rolls off your hands.

Spaghetti for brains not wise
A Halloween carnival volunteer in her early 60s quit mid-shift last Sunday afternoon following an incident where she asked a teenage guest to stick his hand in a bag she was holding to feel live brains—actually cooked spaghetti. “The spaghetti wasn’t so bad,” said the carnival guest who wishes to remain anonymous, “but did she really need to put spaghetti sauce on the pasta to sell the whole bloody brains gag?” The carnival volunteer, who also wishes to remain anonymous, said, “Be it as it may, did the kid really need to hurl the spaghetti in my face? I’m a mother, a grandmother a retired teacher and a community volunteer. That kind of behavior is uncalled for.” Both the woman and the teen said they spent the better part of the evening trying to get the garlic and onion smell off their persons.

Halloween ’09 preview

My wife and I have seen firsthand how our 5-year-old son reacts to Halloween. He’s always excited to collect candy. This year, he’s as excited as ever, and he’s confident that he’ll put up some big candy numbers. However, our boy is most excited about wearing his Iron Man costume and flying up and down the street, pretending to be the Robert Downey Jr. hero from the movie. “Our son comes into this October 31st with a more vivid imagination than ever,” my wife said in an interview late yesterday. “The problem is he’s no longer our son. He’s Iron Man, and he wants us to refer to him as Iron Man only.” Analysts project that trick-or-treating this year should go by quickly, as our boy will most likely run through the neighborhoods at great speeds and fill up his pumpkin bucket within the first hour. In response to this projection, my wife and I went out and bought running shoes.

Michael Picarella is a Valencia resident and a proud husband and father. His column reflects his own opinion, not necessarily that of The Signal. To contact Picarella or to read more stories, go to


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