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Steve Lunetta: The local Republican mess (Part 3)

Right About Now

Posted: June 4, 2012 1:55 a.m.
Updated: June 4, 2012 1:55 a.m.

After hanging up the phone with Uncle Earl, I knew what I had to do. The power of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy must be brought to bear or else the future of conservatism in the SCV would be in jeopardy.

Liberals would be allowed to pontificate to their hearts' content. One can only imagine Kevin Buck and Gary Horton running amok. That even rhymes.

Environmentalists will allow dogs and cats to roam the streets. Those elm and birch trees in your front yard will now be protected like California live oaks.

If a limb falls in your driveway, you won't be allowed to pick it up. If you do, the "tree lady" will get you.

All plastic and paper bags will be removed from stores. Reusable ones will be outlawed, too, since they carry "diseases." When you shop for groceries, you will be limited to what you can carry in your arms. Forget frozen foods, unless you want frostbite.

All soft drinks larger than 16 ounces will be outlawed. Oh, wait, that just happened in New York.

Well, our liberals will do that one better and outlaw everything more than 8 ounces. Because they clearly know how thirsty we are and how much weight we are putting on and are genuinely concerned about our health.

Why, The Signal may even adopt feng shui and begin moving snack machines around.

All of this will happen if you don't vote for the Republican Central Committee candidates listed below. We call on all red-blooded conservatives to throw out all "official" voter guides that have been clogging your mailbox recently and use this "official" Republican Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Grand Imperious Voter Guide.

We understand that a huge number of people are running for the Central Committee. That should tell you something. We are in a battle for the heart and soul of the party. There are some good folks on the ballot. There are also some really evil ones.

To give you some direction, the following individuals represent the best conservative voices in the SCV and are not owned, cowed, threatened, bought off, intimidated by, or used by any group or politician.

If we find out later that they are, they have given us permission to take them behind the woodshed to be flogged.

Wendy Albright is the CRA president, a Santa Clarita Republican Women Federated member and a great conservative activist. B.J. Atkins is a water board member, longtime Republican and a shining example of an ethical individual.

Carol Basail is the CRA vice president, has a bachelor's degree in history from Berkeley (a conservative from Cal?) and comes from Agua Dulce. Adam Gregory is an Iraqi war veteran and hails from Saugus.

Tana Lampton is a Republican activist from Republican Women Federated and also comes from Agua Dulce. Joe Messina is a Hart board member and radio talk show host, and routinely coordinates the Mayor's Prayer Breakfast.

Finally, Katie Varner is a Republican Women Federated member, former Republican HQ director and by far the nicest person you ever want to meet.

These folks will put the Republican Party back into the hands of the people. It will strip the paid political flunkies, power junkies and drama queens out of party leadership. We will see a return to normalcy and a functional leadership team.

Some folks think local politicians should control the local party activities and the people in the party. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't the people dictate to the politicians the direction of the party and the policies that we pursue?

I imagine that most dictators don't start off by being dictators. It happens gradually over time when good people allow power and influence to be more important than the values for which we stand.

Occasionally, good people need to "hit the reset button." This is the time to do that.

The folks listed above are our reset. We will regain cooperation and coordination within the clubs, normal people will be listened to, and the abuse will stop.

You can make a legitimate and meaningful change at the polls Tuesday. Take this voter guide with you. Scan it and email to your friends. Or, better yet, go to The Signal website and email the url.

This message is approved by both the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and Uncle Earl.

Steve Lunetta is a resident of Placerita Canyon. He can be reached at



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