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What's playing in the Santa Clarita Valley

Posted: December 11, 2008 8:52 p.m.
Updated: December 12, 2008 4:55 a.m.
Punisher: War Zone * * Terrible film. Please come back Thomas Jayne, all is forgiven (Greg Eichelberger, Escape)

Day the Earth Stood Still - Bark! (See review this issue) Another classless remake of another classic film. This time, Keanu Reeves stars as Klaatu joining forces with Al Gore to save Mother Earth. (Greg Eichelberger, Escape)

Transporter 3 * * Jason Statham plays the title role in the third installment of this marginally interesting action/adventure franchise. Expect killing and dismembering aplenty as the bad guys collapse like an Italian coalition government. (Greg Eichelberger, Escape)

Australia * * Overlong and overdone Baz Luhrmann epic about two ranchers Down Under on the eve of World War II. Plot takes longer to form than the actual continent of Australia. By the end of the film you are actually rooting for the invading Imperial Japanese forces to wipe out the lot and end the agony. (Christie Lemire, AP)

Four Christmases * * Vince Vaughn looks like the Hulk compared to tiny Reese Witherspoon, consequently I could not concentrate on paper-thin holiday plot. The two leads are constantly beaten up by family members while Oscar-winner Robert Duval plays an ignorant backwoods San Francisco redneck. "Four Christmases" is three Christmases too long (Greg Eichelberger, Escape)

Milk * * * 1/2 Since San Francisco City Supervisor Harvey Milk (Sean Penn) was openly gay, the critics are falling all over themselves to tell us what a wonderful film it is. I'm sure this Gus Van Sant movie has its highlights, but can reviewers ignore politics for at least two hours? What do you think? Look for Penn to grab another Oscar nomination for his intense performance in the title role. (Greg Eichelberger, Escape)

Bolt * * 1/2 Bolt (voiced by John Travolta) isn't a superhero dog, but he plays one on TV. His misadventures after being lost are as harmless as a puppy. (Christy Lemire, AP)

Quantum of Silence * * Bond has gone from suave super agent to action hero. Six - count 'em - six chases of various forms make this a loud distraction. (Greg Eichelberger, Escape)

Zack & Miri (Make a Porno) * Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks as title characters forced to make an adult film to pay the bills. Kevin Smith-directed flop. (Greg Eichelberger, Escape)

Soul Men * * The eternally pissed-off Samuel L. Jackson and the late Bernie Mac star as has-been Motown artists trying to make a comeback by taking a road trip. (Greg Eichelberger, Escape)

Madagascar 2: Escape 2 Africa * 1/2 A choppy, episodic sequel to the not-so-great 2005 animated picture. A noisy mess for parents and a crude bore for children. (David Germain, AP)

Role Models * Paul Rudd ("The 40-year Old Virgin") stars in this horrid piece of garbage that shows adults are as stupid as any kid in the world. Completely vapid. (Greg Eichelberger, Escape)

High School Musical 3: Senior Year * * The pitfalls of going from the small screen to the very big one. What one could tolerate in one's living room (at no cost) is not the same as what one can tolerate after shelling out 10 bucks, as well as even more dinero for the kiddies. (Greg Eichelberger, Escape)


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