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Fake Santa, Real Santa, Noise and Thanks

Michael Picarella: Picarella Family Report

Posted: December 26, 2008 9:31 p.m.
Updated: December 27, 2008 4:55 a.m.
Boy doesn't fall for my Santa Claus

At 5:15 p.m. on Wed., Dec. 24, I dressed up as Santa Claus to surprise my 5-year-old son during Christmas Eve festivities with extended family. "The suit looks amazingly real," my wife said before I made my appearance. According to other guests, I made a wonderful jolly old St. Nick. My son agreed when he saw me. "I love your Santa Claus suit, dad," he said the instant I arrived on scene. "Why are you wearing it?" Even my best acting skills couldn't convince the kid that I was Santa, not Dad. Sources said my boy wasn't tipped off. At 5:22 p.m. that same evening, I dropped the Santa Claus routine. The total loss was $200 for the Santa suit and many good years of my son's belief in the big man in red.

Santa's chief elf tells all

At 2:12 a.m. on Christmas morning, my son arose and reported a clatter. I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. He and I went outside and found several pieces of broken roof tile near the doorstep. On the roof we saw eight tiny reindeer slipping and sliding on more broken tile, and a sleigh dug into the peak of my house. Santa's chief elf, Ednew, was assessing the damages. Asked what happened, Ednew told all. "Mr. Claus knows not to land on these types of roofs because the reindeer and sleigh usually pulverize the fragile tiles," Ednew said. "Santa's afraid if you find him, you'll be terribly upset. He's hiding out next door." After a couple of hours, Ednew convinced ol' St. Nick to show himself and fess up to what he did. Santa Claus apologized and gave me someone else's gifts. Then he went up, up and away in his sleigh, allegedly finishing his job before dawn. According to the kid down the street, "Santa didn't leave me nothin'!" And for all those who also didn't receive anything from Santa, don't blame me. I'm just another homeowner who fell victim to Santa's reckless sleigh driving.

New Year's noisemaking may be cancelled after failed negotiation strategy

My neighborhood could face a lack of party noise from my household this New Year's Eve if my family and friends don't come to an agreement regarding who will get to use the Big Red One stadium horn when ushering in the New Year. Neighbors have voiced strong concern in the matter. "Our block's New Year's Eve celebration is where I let loose and have my fun for the entire year," said one outraged neighbor, who wishes to remain anonymous. "If the Picarella household can't decide who's going to be the one to blow their stadium horn then the rest of the neighborhood will be forced to bring in a mediator." Last week, my family and friends authorized a vote to boycott New Year's noise this year if we can't settle the issue with the horn. More than 75 percent of voting family and friends will have to affirm the authorization for the noise boycott to take place.

Xmas thank you letters coming soon

From the creators of 2000's wedding and birthday present thanks throughout the years comes a heartfelt, original batch of thank you letters to all those who gave Christmas gifts to the Picarella family. Hitting mailboxes across the country early next spring, thank you letters from my family will feature profound lines of prose describing what a great time my wife, 5-year-old son and I had with our company during the holidays. Recipients can expect our sincere gratitude for the gifts they gave and even an update on how the gifts have made it into our daily lives. My family and I are truly thankful for a good holiday and also for an excellent year. I also thank all of you out there for reading my column and for all your e-mails. I wish a happy New Year to you and yours.

Michael Picarella is a Valencia resident and a proud husband and father. To contact Picarella or to read more stories, go to His column reflects his own opinion and not necessarily that of The Signal.


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