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Steve Lunetta: Severe left turn right about now

Posted: February 11, 2013 2:00 a.m.
Updated: February 11, 2013 2:00 a.m.

"Dumb moderates and Republicans never saw it coming. I fooled ‘em. Fooled them all! I even hoodwinked liberals along the way. Lincoln was wrong — you can fool all of the people all of the time!"

"But, Mr. President, you are only saying this in the after-glow of your inauguration," I interjected. As Washington correspondent for the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, I was recently given unfettered access to speak to the president.

"Ha! The economy contracts 0.1 percent and no one calls me on it! My policies have done absolutely nothing to jump start the economy, we have crushed rich people with onerous taxation, and small businesses are being driven under by new health care costs. And the press remains silent!"

The sheer honesty of his statements was hitting home. I suggested, "Some people say you’ve been a moderate through much of your first term."

"Shows how little they know! Now that I’ve secured my second term, I now no longer need to pretend. I can repay my debts to my liberal brethren without fear of the electorate. I am beyond them now. Above. Untouchable."

Could it be that Rush, Sean and Laura were correct? Is Obama a liberal wolf in moderate sheep’s clothing? And now, America will reap the bitter rewards for electing a man with little regard for serving the interests of the nation as a whole.

"Let’s start with women in combat. Heh. You suckers swallowed that hook, line, and sinker. I convinced you all that a 100-pound woman can pull a trigger just as well as a 220-pound man."

"But, Mr. President," I interjected, "what happens when the ammo runs out? Or if the combat becomes close-quarters? Will a 100-pound woman be able to kill that huge man?"

"Heh. Probably not. But what do I care? I am a hero to the feminist movement. The fascist military-industrial complex has been made equal. Women now have freedom to serve anywhere they want!"

"And be slaughtered." I murmured.

"Did you notice my reference to the Stonewall riots in my inauguration speech? I have elevated gay rights to be equivalent to women’s suffrage and civil rights! Now behaviors can be considered a protected class, not just simply skin color or sex. We can select a behavior and give the participants special privileges. And these people will forever be grateful to me!"

Now I began to be frightened. The agenda was becoming clear. Our president is making political pay-backs to people who placed him in office. He will do this without regard to costs, common sense, or morality.

"Sandy Hook couldn’t have come at a better time. I sicked ‘ol Joe on those NRA types and the wave of anti-gun sentiment in this country will sweep us to victory. There will be no sensible discussion. We will cripple the Second Amendment and make our country safe for democracy. My democracy."

I interjected, "but that is just the problem, Mr. President. The Second Amendment was put in place to resist invasion or replace a government that seeks to strip us of our rights."

"You and your conservative friends are truly fools. I have already attacked your rights and you don’t even know it. I’ve regulated Wall Street, implemented numerous new environmental regulations, strangled international business dealings, and saddled America with universal health care. I know what is best for you. Stop fighting and submit."

My stunned silence encouraged him to go further.

"Taxation is increasing. Most Americans have no comprehension of what is hitting them. In California, you are being hit by both my increases and that wonderful Prop 30 that has ‘balanced’ your budget. For higher-income California residents, the combined tax rate is now greater than 50 percent!"

Screwing up my courage to the sticking place, I retorted, "You can be stopped, you know. After your policies create chaos and harm to America, we will rise again. We will vote Democrats out of office, cut taxes, cut spending, and restore order to this house. And your legacy will be shattered."

With that, I was escorted from the White House and cast from the gate. Our president has taken a severe left turn. God help us all.

Steve Lunetta is a resident of Santa Clarita and deeply saddened for our nation. He can be reached at


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